Hiei meets the purple Christmas tree of doom
by Le Random Lady-Person
Summary: More random objects attack, and this time Yuusuke is with them.
1. The purple Christmas tree of doom!

Hiei meets the purple Christmas tree of doom.  
  
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Odd idea, odder fic. x.x  
  
[Disclaimer: I don't own YYH, but I do own the purple Christmas tree.]   
  
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Hiei was at Kurama's house waiting for him to finish decorating for the party he was throwing later.

"All done!" Kurama said as he placed a little purple star on the purple Christmas tree that sat on the coffee table.

"Why is the tree so small, and made out of plastic?" Hiei asked.

"Because I don't have time to get a big tree and decorate it this year," Kurama explained.

"But why plastic?"

Kurama just looked at him and sighed. "Don't worry about it Hiei."

Kurama got up and put on his coat. "I have to run to the store, do you want to go?"

Hiei looked at him like he was a radioactive monkey with two heads. "Why in the Makai would I want to go to one of those filthy ningen places?"  
  
Kurama sighed again. "Fine, stay here. But don't wreck anything!"

Hiei waited until Kurama had gotten a good distance down the street and then he walked over to the little purple tree.

"Hn, this is one pathetic excuse for a tree," he said.

"And your one pathetic excuse for a demon," a voice said.

Hiei looked around but saw no one.

"Down here shrimp!"

Hiei looked down at the tree. "Did you just? No, tree's don't talk."

"I do!" Hiei looked at the tree once again. "I am the purple Christmas tree of doom! Fear me!"

"Hn, you're a tree."

The tree looked insulted. "How dare you! You shall pay!"

The plastic icicle ornaments flew off the tree at Hiei.

He just stood there and let them hit him; they were only plastic, after all. "Hn."

The tree growled. "Take this!"

The glass ornaments flew around the room and busted against the walls.

One managed to get Hiei in the eye, but since it wasn't broken yet, it was the equivalent of getting hit in the eye with a sponge. "Your pathetic," Hiei said, laughing.

The tree lunged at Hiei, but fell off the table and landed on its side.

This made Hiei laugh harder.

"Don't laugh at me!" The tree tried to strangle Hiei with the string of red lights, and this time it succeeded it getting him.

What the!?" Hiei was now wrapped up with a string of Christmas lights. He rolled all over the floor, trying to get untangled.

The tree started to laugh hysterically.

As Kurama neared his door, he could hear the sound of things being broken.

He rushed inside and saw Hiei rolling every which way, tangled in Christmas lights. "Hiei, what on earth are you doing?"

The room was a complete mess. Furniture knocked over, broken glass on the floor, and any other damage that was imaginable.

"Help me?" Hiei asked.

Kurama walked over and untied the little fire demon.

As soon as he was free, he grabbed his katana and sliced the tree into an uncountable amount of pieces.

"Hiei!"

Hiei looked at Kurama and said, "It was evil."

Kurama looked at his friend as if he was a radioactive chipmunk with six legs.

"Well, it was."

Kurama had cleaned up the mess just as the guests arrived.

Yuusuke wanted to know why there was no tree. Hiei left the room.

From the kitchen, he could hear Kurama telling everyone about "the evil tree".

"Baka." Hiei looked around the kitchen.

"Hey, wanna cookie?"

Hiei turned and looked at the voice.

It was the stove.

Hiei ran out of the kitchen screaming, much to the amusement of the guests in the living room.

Kurama shook his head and said, "I don't even want to know."  
  
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Review, onegai?


	2. The stove of evil!

Hiei meets the stove of evil!  
  
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I didn't plan on adding to this, but I am. Naze? I'm not sure...whatever. Just like this title says, Hiei meets the stove this time. ^^  
  
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"It doesn't bite Hiei. It's not even alive." Kurama looked at Hiei, who was standing in the corner, glaring at the stove.  
"It talked to me! It asked if I wanted a cookie...what is a cookie?"  
Kurama sighed. "One, it's NOT alive, two, this is a cookie." He reached into the cabinet and pulled out a package and handed it to Hiei. "Try one."  
"No way in hell. That's what the stove wants me to do!" Hiei threw the package at Kurama's head, and it hit its target. Hiei smirked.  
Kurama growled and picked up the cookies. Then he smirked himself. "I have to go to the store. Would you mind watching this for me?" He pointed to a pot of ramen on the stove. "I don't want it to get over-cooked."  
Hiei stared. "You want me to stay here with that thing!?" He pointed at the stove. "No way!"  
Kurama picked up his wallet. "Too bad. Maybe this will get you over your stove phobia." With that, he walked out the door.  
  
Hiei glared at the stove again. It did nothing. He edged over and poked it with the sheath of his katana. It still did nothing.  
"I know you can talk! Say something."  
"Oooh, so now you WANT me to talk to you?"  
Hiei jumped back. "I knew it! EVIL!"  
"That's not very nice." The ramen began to boil over. "Oh dear, you better turn it down."  
"I'm not coming near you!"  
"Then I guess you'll get it from Kurama when he gets back and finds out you let his ramen get ruined."  
Hiei growled. "Fine, but after I turn it down I'm leaving this room and not coming back!" He edged over to the stove again.  
"Closer, you still can't reach the knob."  
Hiei growled again. "What are you up to?"  
"Nothing, but you better hurry before it burns."  
Hiei edged closer. Just a bit further...  
"Ha!" The water from the pot spewed out and hit Hiei in the face.  
"SHIMATTA!" Hiei started to jump back, but the stove slung it's door open, knocking him across the room.  
"That's what you get for not accepting my cookie when I offered it to you!"  
Hiei lay on the floor staring at the ceiling. 'The hell?' He sat up. "Itai..."  
"Muahahahaha! Baka youkai!"  
"You...!" Hiei gritted his teeth and pulled out his katana. "I'll destroy you!" He lunged at the stove.  
"Hiei! What do you think you're doing!?" Hiei stopped short. Kurama was standing in the doorway. "Explain!"  
"It attacked me! I swear!"  
"Right. From what I can gather, it seems that you can't cook and are blaming the stove."  
"No!"  
Kurama sighed and sets his bags on the counter. "It's only a stove, Hiei."  
"That's right, I'm only a stove-oops."  
Kurama stared at the stove. "IT TALKED!"  
"I told you!!"  
They both ran out of the kitchen, not even bothering to close the door behind them.  
  
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Review, and no flames onegai. 


	3. Kurama, Hiei, AND Yuusuke meet the lamp ...

Hiei, Kurama, AND Yuusuke meet the lamp of pain and hurt!

Yay, another one! I'm beginning to wonder if Kurama's house is possessed or something. xD

[I don't own anything but my idea.]

Yuusuke laughed. "A stove? A stove talked to you?"

Hiei jumped up. "It attacked me," he corrected.

Kurama muttered about the stove, paying no attention to the others.

"Talking stove, talking stove? It's just not logical. Stoves don't talk, they don't move on their own either."

Yuusuke waved a hand in his face. "Kurama? Hello? KURAMA!" Kurama fell out of his chair. "About time."

"That wasn't necessary to frighten me like that!" Kurama snapped.

Yuusuke sweatdropped. "Hey, you were the one spacing out over that evil stove." He snickered.

Kurama snapped. (an: I want to say 'Kurama snapped. Literally. The now broken Kurama lay in pieces on the floor.' But I won't. xD) "I'll show you! Hiei, help me!"

Hiei smirked and leapt forward, grabbing Yuusuke. "Yes, we'll show you!"

"Hey! Guys! I believe you, really! Lemme go! Kurama! Hiei!"

Kurama gripped Yuusuke's arm tighter. "We'll let go once we arrive at my house!"

Yuusuke sighed.

"THIS is the evil stove?" Yuusuke poked at it cautiously. It did nothing. "Yeah, real evil."

Hiei eyed it with suspicion. "I know you can talk! Say something!"

Kurama nudged it with his foot.

"The stove won't talk anymore! It's taken a vow of silence!"

Kurama, Hiei, and Yuusuke looked amongst themselves.

"Uh..." Yuusuke said, sounding very smart.

"In here you morons!"

They all turned towards the living room door.

"It came from in there!" Hiei stated.

Kurama rolled his eyes. "Thank you for clearing that up."

Hiei hned. (an: Is that even a word? o.o)

Once they had all gathered in the living room, they began looking around for the person, or thing, that had spoken.

"Over here."

It was the lamp.

"Let me introduce myself. I am-

"This is one seriously messed up house!" Yuusuke stared at the lamp.

"May I finish?" The lamp glared at Yuusuke. (an: Interesting. A glaring lamp. o.o)

Silence.

"Good. I am the-

"Smash it Kurama! Before it smashes us!" Hiei shoved the kitsune towards the lamp.

Kurama sweatdropped. "But it's my mother's favorite lamp! Besides, I doubt it could smash anything."

"MAY I FINISH!"

Everyone stared at the lamp again.

"Are you done?"

More silence.

"I am the lamp of pain and hurt! I will destroy you and avenge the death of Bill!"

"Bill...?" Kurama looked puzzled.

The lamp coughed. "Bill...the Christmas tree, ya know?"

"Oooooh, him."

Yuusuke lunged forward, and before anyone could react, knocked the lamp off of its stand. "That's to avenge...our mental stability?"

The lamp began to sob. "You broke my light bulb!"

Yuusuke sweatdropped. "Sorry?"

The lamp continued to sob. "You'll pay for this! You'll pay!"

Kurama carefully stepped around the lamp and herded the other two boys outside. "I think we'll just leave the lamp to grieve over its light bulb."

"Then we'll get reinforcements and destroy this house!"

Yuusuke and Kurama stared at Hiei.

"I think he needs to be locked up for a while..."

Kurama nodded. "Yes, I think so too."

"Nani? You can't lock me up!"

Kurama pulled out a small seed. "Yes, I believe we can."

As Hiei sat in the corner, bound by a vine like plant, Yuusuke and Kurama began to plan how they could rid his house of the talking objects...

That wasn't a very good chapter. Oh well. Next chapter, Kuwabara joins the fun! xD (no, he's not getting bashed). I believe the printer shall 'attack' next.

Review, onegai!


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